dear apple: screw you

My PowerBook, AirPort, and iPod are working fine. Gloria’s iBook and iPod mini are fine, too. So are our iSights. We have spent thousands on Apple hardware and hundreds on software. We are loyal customers. Why does Apple want to alienate us?

Sunday, I went to the Apple Store in King of Prussia. “What ho, Apple Store!” I say, “think you could fix my wireless mouse for me?”

They reply, “There’s a one year warranty on that. Just call Apple Care!”

This is a fine response. I fork over $200 for an AirPort and go home.

On Tuesday, I call Apple Care and say, “Hello, old chums! I’ve got a rummy problem with my mouse; think you could tend to it?”

I get transferred to Deepest India, and repeat my question.

“What kind of computer are you using?” I tell him I’m using my PowerBook.

“What’s the serial number?”

“Of the mouse?”

“No, of the computer.” Immediately, I begin to wonder where this is going, but I answer.

“That computer is out of warranty, sir.”

“Sure is! The mouse, though, is not. I bought it in March.”

“Oh. Can I have the serial number of the mouse?”

I ask him where to find it, and he doesn’t know. I read him the long number from the inside of the battery well, but it doesn’t resolve in his system. He asks if I have the box, and I reply that I threw it out months ago. Finally, he has some advice:

“I think you better take that to the Apple Store.”

Needless to say, I am not amused. I explain that it’s far away, and I was already there. He directs me to my friendly local retailer. They, when called, groan about Apple’s usual asininity, but say that I can bring it in and have it taken care of there, free of charge. Huzzah! If they pull it off, they get my business forever.

…but first, one last chance for Apple. The wireless mouse was introduced less than a year ago. I will attempt to confront them with this information, as evidence that my mouse is within its warranty. If they still refuse… I just don’t know.

Written on September 2, 2004